There are two schools of thought on the concept of the website Yelp. For many, the site is a helpful way to inform consumers about the experiences and products they might be seeking from new businesses. Other folks feel that Yelp is nothing more than a means for the pettiest of customers to potentially ruin local businesses with free bad press.
Either way, there is an awful lot of people using the website and therefore an awful lot of stupid things being said. Here are some hilarious and ridiculous Yelp reviews to help put a smile on your face…
Claire B. is apparently really upset that the restaurant she chose had no vegan options. That’s not a dig against vegans, but perhaps tell us more about the other facets of the establishment before you give a one-star review.
Robert S. does not like to pay for water. He especially doesn’t like being forced to do so. He disliked it so much he updated his bad Yelp review of the establishment for the next five years.
Mazen M. is apparently upset that the bar he was having a good time at had too many patrons and had to kick out some of the neer-do-wells. Guess he’s never heard of a fire code.
Apparently, Marina L. was really thrown off by the fact that the new sushi restaurant she visited didn’t have “authentic” Japanese sushi chefs making her sushi. Did she think that she was in Epcot or something?
The saga of Marina L.’s sushi preference continued when the restaurant made a public comment chastising her subtle racism. She, of course, had to respond, and said it was her “prerogative” and detracted from the restaurant’s “theme.”
This is a hilarious example of a person who’s initial review had to be changed after his subsequent ride allegedly resulted in a potential double vehicular homicide.
This woman never realized that she was walking into what amounted to a real-life version of the type of dirty joke drunken frat guys tell one another.
The Lincoln Letter
The reviewer in question must have had a really bad experience if he found the time to sit down and write this review.
Based on what went wrong, this restaurant is like the poster child of everything Gordon Ramsay would tell you not to do if you were in the food service industry.
Gary F. doesn’t seem to realize that when you love something, you need to sing its praises; especially if you’re addicted and need them to keep making it for you.
This is an example of a known “Yelpist” who has literally nothing better to do than to review even something as universally beloved as a national park.
Every so often someone will post a review to Yelp that has little or nothing to do with their actual experience at a business. We’re willing to bet this guy did not meet a minotaur in the restroom. We cannot speak for the rest.
This person is serious about their bathroom design, so serious that even a terrifying experience in an unlocked stall was overshadowed by the establishment’s superb sinks.
Honestly, the best thing about Beau’s review is not that he’s being so candid about his experience, but also complementary to the restaurant who absolutely gave him diarrhea.
This is either an obfuscated ad for AirBnB trying to decry the sorry state of their competitor’s rooms or someone who probably reserved the room whilst highly intoxicated.
The Devil’s Spaghetti
Also, everything they serve is coated in a thick, viscous, red liquid.…We’re kidding, of course, it’s tomato sauce.
Anyone who has had the experience of enjoying fantastic Indian food for the first time in a long time can most certainly relate to the truly honest review presented here. Footnote: review written whilst on the toilet.
We think that perhaps the owners of this particular car wash might need to re-evaluate their hiring standards.
Ice Cream Run
Listen, Ross F…some people take their ice cream very seriously and some people just don’t understand the importance of that.
It seems like Curt C. is finding it difficult to live in this gravity-rich dimension with all our non-round pizzas and American dollars.
Hoc. T had the perfect way to ditch the person he’d allegedly decided he didn’t want to date, but apparently he didn’t count on the service or food being absolutely perfect.
Get Out Quickly
Little did Meghan P. realize that she’d actually walked into the foyer of either a time traveler, a serial killer, or a witch. Honestly, we’re pretty interested to find out where this place is regardless.
The irony in all this is that this particular fast food chain’s reputation has never been due to the fact that they offered “healthy choices.”
Not all entertaining Yelp reviews are bad. Say what you will about the nature of fast food fried chicken, it can definitely help to brighten one’s day; albeit ironically and temporarily, of course.
This is an excellent example of how a positive review cloaked with a negative rating can really mess up a business’ interpretation of how they’re doing. It pays to read these things carefully, folks.
Lude though this particular verse may be, it truly expresses the complexity of Joe G’s love/hate relationship with White Castle.
Out of Chicken
It stinks when a restaurant runs out of your favorite ingredient, but it’s even more of a shame that this fellow decided to opt for the beef in the end…no puns intended.
What many establishments don’t realize, when they offer free WiFi to the customers, is that the longer you make them wait, the more likely they’ll be to log into Yelp and report their findings.
This is a pretty nasty review to be sure but the real question we have is why Ass Man Z. knows what his suggestion tastes like in order to compare.
If I ordered veal or lamb and the shank came out looking minuscule, not only would I question the animal it came from, I might also question the neonatal nature of the animal in question.
Thomas C. did sing the praises of the purveyor of engorged tortillas and low and behold, it was good.
Different Strokes for Different Folks
This reviewer is apparently operating on a way different wavelength than your average consumer. If you take that into consideration, this place might we worth a taste.
Lauren B. is a prime example of using her Yelp review to both inform and entertain. We C what U did there, Lauren.
That’s a Freebie
This review may seem a bit run-of-the-mill until you get to the end and realize that the restaurant in question basically gave them the tools for their own undoing. Culinary justice at its finest.
Word to the wise when it comes to being in a service industry. Pompousness and superciliousness do not make for repeat customers.
This is an uplifting and fun Yelp review about the power of friendship and how shared experiences can help to mend even the most broken fences.
This is the kind of review that speaks for itself on several levels. The most telling is the three-star review and the fact that the victim would go back.
This is a pretty neat scam, charging for tap water. Rather, it would have been a good scam back in the days before Yelp reviews.
Betrayed by Burgers
Listen, if you’re gonna bring rival food into any restaurant, McDonald’s or otherwise, don’t complain when they ask you to eat it outside. Don’t be a jerk, reviewer.